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Old 03-25-2014, 11:13 AM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is online now
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 6,525

Originally Posted by Kernow View Post
(he isn't horrible at all, actually he is a very kind man) but it is down to lack of inclination to deal with it or to engage emotionally on these occasions.
I think these statements contradict each other. Aftercare is just as important as the actual play. Lack of aftercare can be miserable, even physically dangerous for a sub. If a Dom has a lack of inclination to take responsibility for aftercare, he has no place getting someone into subspace.


I will talk to him specifically about this and suggest that if this encounter is going to happen he needs to be very clear with her about aftercare and about how long he intends to stay so that she understands in advance what the arrangements are. She will then have to decide if this is right for her or not.
If he just throws a bottle of water at her and leaves, yeah, she might need to have a caring friend on call nearby to wrap her in a blanket, hold her for an hour (or longer if neccessary), get her chocolate, watch a movie, make sure she is coherent, etc. Needing aftercare isn't "clinginess," it is hormonal, emotional, and ideally a time for the Top and submissive to cuddle and come back to reality.

I once made the mistake of doing some D/s play just on the phone with a guy I didn't know very well, and while I was pretty deep into it, he had another ("important") call and left me hanging, shivering, not knowing if he was coming back. And he didn't come back and I just had to handle it on my own. Needless to say, it was a good reminder for me to not play with Dom-asses, and it sure taught me not to meet him for any IRL play!
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 62)
Pixi (poly, F, 40) my partner since January 2009
Kahlo (poly-curious, M, 45) my bf since August 2017
Master, (mono, M, 36), Pixi's Dom/bf since April 2013
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