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Old 03-24-2014, 11:34 PM
Kernow Kernow is offline
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 49
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
Seems "harsh" to WHO? You? Him?
It makes me feel that I'm being harsh towards him by not agreeing to his request

Quote:
Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
So... could get a chaperone/safeword person in there that is not you supplied by him and/or the playmate.

Then BOTH your needs can be met.
No, he wouldn't accept another person there (Aspie issues) and he doesn't play in public. But that doesn't make it my problem. If he can't deal with it without my help then he probably shouldn't do it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
Too needy or cling for WHO? Him? :confused
Yes too needy for him (from the little I know I think he is probably right)

Quote:
Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
If him...
  • Then he could not go there at all.
  • He could go there for one scene and bow out after if it isn't his cup of tea after all/they are not compatible.

Up to him to make his choices.
Yes I agree completely. I think he only wants a one off or very casual thing anyway. I will respect his choice but J comes with 'baggage', previously he has chosen people who were much more clear about wanting a one off/very occasional no strings sort of thing. Anyway I've pointed that out to him so now he has to decide if it is right for him or not. He lacks emotional intelligence sometimes, but he is not stupid so I have to trust him on this.

Quote:
Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
Yup. Caregiving is HELPING, not DO IT FOR YOU-ing. If you do that it becomes taking on his cares (caretaking.) That's not healthy for YOU. Great for him, maybe, but that's the path to caregiver burn out.
We have been together a long time and it has been a very rough ride at times, but lots of very good bits too. I like things the way they are and I wouldn't change it, but over the years I have understood the importance of looking after myself and my needs because he doesn't always recognise/understand my needs/feelings. I should have probably made it clearer in previous posts that he is very intelligent and very capable, he doesn't need 'care', he just needs help with issues around emotional intelligence/understanding people's feelings and motives.

Thanks for your help and advice.
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