I've met my metamour, went out to dinner with her and her husband and my husband (metamour and spouse sat next to each other and we're sort of on a date). I like my metamout, I like her husband but I currently don't want besties with them. Nothing against them. They are wonderful people but with being new to poly, new to all of this, I personally feel safer (that's the big thing for me) keeping it less personal, for now.
The problem is my spouse is in a relationship where this poly couple (hubs is only seeing the wife) is possibly or wants to be "poly-fidelous". Now my understanding of that term seems to be different than all involved. I am not in relationship with them, only my husband is with the wife. But because of my resistance for some big happy family, communication that I truly only need to do with my husband (due to living together and our relationship) is being told to me all 5 of us should sit down and talk. I'm like wtf? Your girlfriend's husband and his girlfriend have absolutely nothing to do with you and me. I don't have an emotional investment with them. What metamour's husband and his girlfriend do don't affect me nor will it ever affect me. Now hub's relationship with my metamour...yes when problems come from her and her husband's relationship spill over into mine with hub and problems hub and I have may spill over into his with my metamour...but that's because hub and metamour have made a choice to discuss their "problem spouses" so they let it affect their relationship.
For some...a communal environment might give them some "security". But for me, my business is my business and if I chose to share than that's my right. Yet I fell pushed, which causes me anxiety, to fulfill this weird entanglement with others who truly mean absolutely nothing to me. If they moved away next week, I would be aware they were gone, but it has no effect on me. Maybe I'm just a bit cold with those I have no emotional connection with, shrugs.
It's like having to live all together. Yeah that's ideal, but for some of us, a bit set in our ways, wanting our own space to continue to be our own space, why should any one be guilted to let their lover's lover get all in that? That's not autonomy, that's another form of control.
I apologize for ranting. I only wanted to point out certain types of poly just doesn't work for everyone involved. Nothing wrong if it fits you but if it doesn't fit a significant other, don't try to force it on them. That's no different than them trying to force you to make a choice between them or a significant other.
Last edited by alibabe_muse; 03-24-2014 at 07:39 PM.