Originally Posted by copperhead
Ok, what I feel is the central problem now is this: I have to somehow be able to analyze where one kind of reaction (norman newbie reaction) ends and where the other kind starts (aspergers). But it's hard, because they can look alike. They certainly do from the outside, but sometimes they also feel the same. And like I read, I can't trust my emotions, which kind of freaked me out, since it adds one more unclear element to the situation that already has too much change, new elements and unclear things in it.
This is my question now (and I don't really expect anyone else to have an answer to it, but feel free to say, if you do):
- How do I know that the fear of change and new things is gone and the rest of my anxiety is normal newbie issues?
I feel like it would be really easy to get stuck on this explanation and keep sayin it's all too new when actually I'd just be nervous or something. I don't want that to happen, but I also don't want to accidentally push myself too far too fast. I have two children I must be able to take care of even during this process and too many meltdowns would really make that difficult. I've had my limits overstepped too many times in past. I'm not afraid that Salamander would knowingly do anything like that, but I have to respect my limits too. I also need to protect my kids, and that means I can't push myself too hard. Which means… I'm scared of moving too fast and just might end up dragging the "new=scary" phase too long.
You don't have to work out why you are reacting in certain ways otherwise you will drive yourself mad. You just have to own your feelings and reactions and put them into words as simply as you can, 'I am jealous' or 'I am afraid of losing you' or 'I feel rejected'. Some of those are not comfortable feelings to own or express, but unless you do that Salamander will not understand and will not be able to reassure you. Don't worry about what is normal, what you feel is normal for you so just deal with your reactions and don't compare yourself to anyone else. It is okay to admit you are scared and it is okay to give Salamander some clues about how to help you 'I just need you to hold me for a little while because I'm scared' or 'I would feel better about this if you could phone me during the evening' or 'sometimes I need to know that you get scared/anxious too'. Just try to find what works for you and be brave, you have done much more complicated things than this, you have children so you know that you can take risks and adapt to changing situations. If you get it wrong sometimes don't worry, it is normal to mess up sometimes, just pick yourself up, do what you can to put things right and try again.