SchrodingersCat, yes we sometimes go to those sort of parties and events, he likes to watch but he doesn't play in public. I don't really get anything out of watching, and at first I felt awkward at those events because I don't have a 'label' so It was hard to fit in. I'm okay now, people are used to me and I have made my own friends so I feel able to sit and have a chat or go off and do my own thing rather than needing to stay close to C or my husband.
Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat
Has he expressed his desire as a "need" and if so, was it a need to have you specifically watch, or just to be watched by someone? Lots of people have voyeuristic fetishes and I doubt he'd have too much trouble finding a suitable substitute.
Thank you for prompting me to consider that question. Yes, I think it does have to be me. It wouldn't cross his mind to ask C because he would worry about her reaction to watching him with someone else (he gets very scared of damaging their relationship). He and I have been through a lot together and he knows that I am fairly resilient so he tends to assume that I will always cope. Having thought about it I think that he does actually want me to watch, but I think me being there is also partly about keeping him safe and reminding the new woman (J) that he is attached (she doesn't need reminding). Maybe there is also something in his head that makes him feel that C will feel better about it if I am there to ensure that he doesn't cross any boundaries. My view is that none of those reasons are valid, if he wants this encounter fair enough but if he doesn't trust her or himself or if he is worried about his relationship with C then he shouldn't get involved. It isn't really my responsibility to meet any of those needs. If he just wants me to watch because it would make him feel good in some way i wouldn't really mind doing it, but I don't think he has thought clearly about my needs/feelings or about how J (the new woman) may feel.