Just a short note as I'm trying to publish more often to this blog.
M and I are in a great groove right now. Things are fun and flirty around the house. For months and months she's called me Papa and I love the feeling. She dials it down around family and friends, but she knows how to sneak it in when they are out of earshot. She's always enjoyed cooking for the two of us so that has continued. I've gotten her to clean a bit more though which is a plus. On first blush that might sounds misogynistic, but M has always had an issue with commitment...for as long as we've dated. She doesn't even like to use the words commitment or boyfriend, though they do slip out from her tongue once in awhile. We go to the grocery. We go to movies. We work on the house and the landscaping together (I'm doing the work mostly and she's doing the designing, though she does get her hands dirty too) We have a thriving couple's relationship.
M met someone on Tinder a few days ago and they've really hit it off by text. It's a butch lesbian, young, attractive, and a lawyer like me. She just took our dog out on a dog walking date with the young lady who, coincidentally, lives about 3 blocks from me/us. Because men of my age have been programmed to view men as competition and women as conquests, I'm really not having many issues with this date as I would if he were a guy. Logically I know that women can connect on a deeper emotional level...and then there's knowing how to work the lady parts because they have them...theoretically women could be even more competition. But for now...5 minutes into their date...I feel fine.
Like with most other dates, she wanted my company while she showered and got ready. I was genuinely excited for her to meet someone new even though I'm not in a place financially where I can date someone new myself. We talked about how anything could happen...could be a great date...could be just a good friend...could not connect at all. And I'd be fine with any of that. I do sincerely want her to have a great time and meet someone new and fun. We talked about how cool it would be if things went well and the three of us could all hang out together.
As things haven't been more than casual with them yet, the subject of her having a significant other hasn't come up yet in their conversations. We talked about that and have a mutually beneficial understanding. If it looks like they will have a second date or if it's need to know information, she won't shy away from the topic. But until it's necessary there's no need.
I have to say that M's been great about saying the things I need to hear for a good while now. We always drop the love bomb throughout the day, but she'll also say things about how special I am to her as her Papa. In the past it has felt like sometimes she retreats into feeling "little" to set up a boundary when I'm feeling sexual and she's not. But we've been having a lot more sex...and really great sex recently...so I'm of the mind to let that play out. We've discussed it in the past and she denies it. She simply says she feels how she feels and if she's not sexual then she's not going to be coerced. Of course I'd never want to coerce her into sex.
Usually we have a few "date communication" rules: text once the date has started to let me know all is well and if you're into the date more than 2 or 3 hours, text me to let me know you're ok. If it's night time, I'll need to know if it's going to be an all-nighter or if I'll need to come pick her up. Today's date is during the day...and will be the two of them walking dogs...so she wont need my transportation and safety is much more probable. I just said "no need to check in this time, but if you're out more than 2 or 3 hours text me to let me know how things go." She said "Yes, Papa. I couldn't forget you!" which was nice to hear. Practically, more than a few hours with the dogs out would be wearisome, unless they find a way to corral them and forget about them for a time. I don't think that will happen, but no worries if it does.
Relationship-wise things are going so well. The financial side of my life is pretty much in shambles though. I've got a gas bill of close to $2,000 that I can't pay. Which means the renters I have here in the house wont have a gas stove or hot water to shower in. I have no clue how I'm going to pay it. On top of that I have $300 cable bill, a $200+ water bill, a $200+ power bill, and $2,000 in property taxes on the house that I'm late on. My law practice hasn't been bringing ANYTHING in....so I'm in dire straights. I want to mortgage the house but a) that doesn't happen overnight and b) my credit is so bad that none of the traditional banks would want to lend to me...even with my house...my $500,000 house as collateral. I may have to sell it which would be intensely painful. I grew up in this house 30 years ago. My mother died in it and my father lived here after his heart attack and stroke. To add insult to injury, I accepted terrible terms in my divorce settlement which included $200 a month that I don't have and a $30,000 balloon payment. I get it...I cheated...but I should have to lose the house I inherited because of it. I never should have accepted the settlement but my own two lawyers were beating up on me in the settlement talks. I folded. I don't even have my own car. I'm borrowing one indefinitely from a colleague. I've tried finding legal jobs here in my town, but there's nothing. I might have to go find a job at CostCo or something else just to get money coming in.
I haven't told the roommates about the issues with the bills...I'm too afraid to. I keep hoping I'll pull a rabbit out of a hat somehow. It's going to suck because M had already been planning on going back to her mother's house for a few days...but now she'll have to stay there (30 mins away) for food and hot water and I'll miss her a lot. Plus the renters are her sister and her sister's fiance. Cool people. Very cool couple. But failing to do my duty for them is going to suck even more because they are family.
At least I have my health, right?
Me - male, 42, poly, straight, in a serious relationship with Audrey, also casually dating.
Audrey - female, 20, poly, pansexual, also casually dating.