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Old 03-23-2014, 01:56 PM
pulliman pulliman is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Eastern US...
Posts: 182
Default Some processing time

Willa and I have been spending lots of time processing what has happened with Amy. Since October, Amy's been saying the same things - dating a couple, wanting more time with us, being more primary, and more. We had, at the time, agreed to move at the pace of the slowest person in the group, which was pretty consistently Willa.

Now, Willa is feeling guilty about her decisions and hesitation. But what can you do? She wasn't ready, and she DID transition, very far from where she'd begun. That wasn't fast enough for Amy, though. Things weren't right early on, and after that, no change was going to be enough for her to change HER mind.

I feel bad that I couldn't be closer to Amy as we each patiently waited for Willa to change (Willa herself was waiting to change, working on things, but that takes time). Amy saw me on the other end of the divide - ironic, because she was as protective of Willa as I was. There were plenty of times when I tried to talk about couple privilege and avoiding it - and Amy pushed back and was a bigger proponent of it than I was. That was actually hard on me, because dammit, I didn't want the couple privilege! I was pushing for something more open, and patient enough to wait for Willa. Amy ended up impatient, and blamed me for sticking with Willa, regardless of how much she herself did, too. Only at the end did Amy blame Willa, too. Then again, people say a lot of raw crap when they're hurt.

For various minor reasons, I see Amy regularly, while Willa does not. But, Willa and Amy are probably going to be able to find back to a friendship that Amy and I will not - at least for a long while. Then again, because we see each other regularly for other reasons (and have to interact) it means we can't sink into total unawareness of each other. I suspect that we'll all find back to some way to connect to each other at least in talking in a civil way. Might take a few months. Amy sure wasn't civil, which was basically the last straw. Sigh.

I said I'd stop the blog. I'm still reading the boards (busy at work, not much time, though). Just don't know what to write, or post, anymore. This is me processing, kind of for archival purposes, not more.
Willa: my wife
Amy: someone Willa and I have both been involved with
Ella: a many-years long-distance relationship of mine, that I don't blog about
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