You were doing individual, marital and family therapy? No wonder you're burnt out.
My only concern (besides the eating disorder) is the decision to foster with intent to adopt, and after the fact worrying you're not eligible as adoptive parents because of your fairly recent extreme marital discord and "alternative" relationship style resulting in a fiery breakup and your daughter being hurt by Si. I'd hate for the teenager to be hurt if you aren't approved for adopting her. I also question why you made the choice to adopt right after the marriage almost went down the tubes, and you moved from England to Australia!
I've had stress just moving 20 miles! New jobs, new neighborhood, in your case, entirely new country with all the big differences that come with that. And a baby under age 2, new school for both kids, new friends, etc etc. Time to add a teenager to the mix? Why?
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley
Mags (poly, F, 61) loving miss pixi (poly, F, 39) since January 2009, living together since 2013
"Master," (mono, 34), miss pixi's Dom for 3 years