I've had my limits overstepped too many times in past. I'm not afraid that Salamander would knowingly do anything like that, but I have to respect my limits too. I also need to protect my kids, and that means I can't push myself too hard.
Could it be helpful to articulate your wants, needs, and limits? Focus more on behaviors you would like from your poly people rather than spend too much time on feelings?
Because you are going to feel whatever it is you feel until the "new normal" becomes
normal. Because you are the one experiencing the feelings, it's not like other people can measure them easily.
But a limit like "I have kids. I can't be out on dates past midnight" is something anyone can measure by looking at a clock. Can't keep a babysitter hanging. Children grow, so that's that to me is a "soft limit" one that would change over time. You might have "hard limits" that will never change over time.