Dating BDSM-hipsters right after divorce (Part 3 of 3)
Meanwhile at home with my marriage, things fell apart. Partially uncontrolled and partially at my control. My wife found a picture of Casey on my computer and confronted me. I took this as my chance to finally tell her I wanted a divorce. It felt amazing. It was what I had been wanting for 4 years or more. After trying everything with my wife for even longer than that (married for 14 years)...we both weren't what each other needed. We have no kids so that made it easier.
Well sort of. My wife was devastated while I was like a rock of obsidian. Resolute. Caring about it all, but resolute. She asked that I look through a box of old photos to see what I was throwing away...which I did. But it made up my mind even more. The woman had made me go years and years with out sex...made me feel absolutely unattractive...and even lied about something pretty major - the fact that she'd never...not once had an orgasm with a man...including me. That's a whole long other story about how she told me that 10 years into our marriage. Talk about betrayed. I tackled that problem from every conceivable angle...again...long story...but I'm comfortable that it's not my fault. She also made me feel like complete crap about my finances being feast or famine. Used the worst parts of me against myself. So yeah...I was done.
At this point, I told my wife I would take a few days to decide what I wanted...and so I left the house...and went on a trip with Casey. After spending about $2000 on dresses and purses and sunglasses and shoes and...well you get the point (I didn't lord it over her...she kept resisting having me buy it all, but I just wanted to take care of her and be sweet to her), we headed to her hometown for the 4th. I paid for a dinner cruise to watch fireworks for us both and her parents. Again another great date. Followed by another amazing playdate at the hotel.
She was calling me Daddy almost all the time now...wearing my little dresses and tying her hair up in 60s scarves while we had the top down on my convertible roadster. That time period, where money was no issue for me, seems like a dream as well.
We headed down to Pensacola Beach to see a friend of hers who was having a birthday. Turns out the girl was really in a bad situation. Again, my Daddy impulse came out. She had nothing and was about to be eating for two....so I loaded up her pantry and bought us all enough Indian food for two armies. Kitten and I slept together...I massaged her sweetly one night...we went to the beach...but no play time. This was more me kinda getting out of the way of her time with her friend. Having a great time we headed back. Again everything cool.
Things were more than back on track. We were making music play lists for each other...texting about 1000 times a day and talking on the phone. Since she was in Bham and I'm in Montgomery there was just enough distance.
I should also say...I sent the protector another message saying that I wanted to talk to him about what happened in person or over the phone so I could hear any words of wisdom he had on the subject and perhaps, if it was possible, to begin to reconnect with Casey. We eventually got on the same page and became acquaintances.
We both wanted more time together so I went up again...just for the day...and we had a lunch date. She dressed in some of my clothing I bought her and looked like a billion bucks. She was a bit stand offish...and got quieter as time went on. Eventually we ate...then browsed an old bookstore...and got back in the car. She definitely wanted to play but was acting almost like strangers.
When we got to the hotel and began to play her eyes were glassed over and she wasn't giving any sort of affection or exchange so I stopped everything and asked...what was wrong? I'm not going to keep going until I know you're ok. She finally pushed through and told me two things: 1) she'd followed my instruction not to touch herself for a week...and she just wanted me to throw her down and fuck the hell out of her....and 2) she was rebelling because she was worried about our contract. The finality and completeness of it.
So after a session that was pretty damn great for both of us, I began to speak to her about the contract and about her independence. I didn't want to rob her of it. The contract was editable by both of us...and I didn't want her to agree to anything she wasn't comfortable with...or comfortable working on. We did a lot of aftercare...and things seemed really good.
We both go back to our respective towns...and things are GREAT. Friday morning around 10 she texts me freaking the fuck out. One of my wife's secretaries tried to friend her on Facebook. Which means this woman knew her real name was trying to snoop. I calmly tell Kitten that I'll take care of it and not to worry. (I realize that didn't instantly make things better, but was a start.)
Eventually we have a conversation about how the divorce situation had her completely worried and how we couldn't continue as romantic partners. She loved me, but she had children and a career to think about.
This really hurt me. I was thrown headlong into love pangs. She was all I could think about and couldnt live without. Literally the first woman I really dated after my separation from my wife and I was convinced that she was perfect for me. Looking back that was really silly. (Not to say she's not an amazing girl that I wouldn't date again now actually)
Time went on...life went on...and we stayed in touch, but only minimally. She was a grad student and trying to find a job. As it turned out I know the powers that be in the education world here, so I got her an interview for a very prestigious high school position. I'll never forget how she came down for the interview and stayed with me in my house. I was doting on her as a "service top" but with no romantic interaction. Not only did she have her son, but my divorce wasn't over and she was still freaked out a bit...and rightly so. She had given me the option of having her stay somewhere else but I wouldn't hear of it...I was still in love...so I had them stay with me. Her son loved me to pieces and even said that I was "the best guy ever!". I hoped that that would win some points with her, and it did...but didn't get me back in the ballgame. Of course she aced the job interview with her own talent and winning charm, but I always like to remember how got things started. I've never told her that though.
Once she got the job, she needed a place to stay. She found a rent to own house on the internet and told me about it. Wanting to go the extra mile to show her how much I cared, I found the house, took 40 or 50 pictures of it and sent them to her. Then I found a comparable house that was cheaper and in a better area...and sent her those. Later she would tell me that I was "incredible" and "utterly amazing" for going to all that effort. And that her mom thought I was "priceless" for what I'd done. Again, I was hoping this would lead to us dating again. It didn't.
None of the house buying worked out so I found her an apartment within her means and that's where she's living now. We speak occasionally and are still friendly. We've even been out to a bar two or three times, but nothing romantic at all. Over the 4 months since she moved here, she found a boyfriend from her hometown. One she complains about to me, dropping little flirtations like, "I'm the kind of girl who likes to have sex every day, but he's not like that. And I only get to see him on the weekends." ...while it's 1 am and we're sipping whiskey at the local watering hole.
I'm not nearly enthralled with her any more, though I would entertain dating her again as I think we'd be great together still. M, my current partner, knows the whole story and really doesn't care for Casey, but would be friendly with her if I ever did start dating her again. Casey knows about M, but doesn't want to meet her for whatever reason.
Me - male, 42, poly, straight, in a serious relationship with Audrey, also casually dating.
Audrey - female, 20, poly, pansexual, also casually dating.