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Old 03-21-2014, 04:13 PM
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Originally Posted by Ryan3232 View Post
NycindieSo, my point with poly folks considering these options is to say that an effort needs to be made from somewhere, why not be poly folks ,who are generally more tolerant and open to non-"traditional" type dynamics, be the ones to lead the charge?
It's a common stereotype that poly folk, gay people, people with piercings and/or tattoos, and other social minorities are "generally more tolerant and open to non-"traditional" type dynamics." In my experience, however, these groups tend to be just as close-minded and ignorant as society in general. As a generalization, they're "open" to their particular way of being non-traditional, but the buck stops there. That's not saying, of course, that all poly folk are closed-minded, because not all members of society in general are closed-minded. I've just found that there's not really any more open-mindedness among poly folk than elsewhere.

The other reason "why not poly folks" to start this crusade is that, frankly, we have enough crusades as it is. I wish I had a dollar for every time I've heard the claim that poly folk should lead this or that crusade that has nothing to do with being poly, but rather just because we're supposedly more open-minded. We're not activists, we're just people living our lives. And frankly, if I'm going to become an activist, there are far bigger problems than how to get people to cohabitate so they can save money. The environment and world hunger come to mind, for a start. People who need to save money can take that crusade on for themselves.

The reality is that North Americans, in general, place privacy high on the list of priorities. We value our "own space." We want people to "mind their own business." We see the nuclear family as the basic cohabitation unit. Even your own parents, in need of more care and attention in their old age, are "too much" for most people. We put them in institutions and visit them on Sundays. Maybe. If we're not too busy living our private lives. If we can't even share our homes with the people who raised us and cared for us and changed our diapers, it's a huge stretch to expect people to start doing that with non-family.

People get roommates because they can't afford to live otherwise. Generally it's challenging and most people try to get out of it and on their own as quickly as possible. Once in a while a person finds one or two other individuals with whom they enjoy living and it works well. But often, when one of those people starts living with a partner, the other finds the whole situation to be too much. Few people like listening to their friends have sex when they're trying to sleep. Few people like going for a glass of milk and finding their roommates drank the last of it. Frankly, even living with my own husband is challenging at times. I do it because I love him and I'm willing to pay the price of admission.

North America is still the land of the White Picket Fence and Land Rover. Sharing a house with another family tells the whole world that you're too poor to make it on your own. True as that may be for more and more people, it's a reality that nobody wants to share with the world. By all means, if this is a cause that you feel deeply about, feel free to crusade for it. It won't be easy but then change never is. Best of luck!
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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