Originally Posted by SimpleSimian
My idea that it's okay to love multiple people, but not to have sex with them. That one really insulted her, as she's of the belief that if she loves somebody, she should be able to express if however feels right, including sex. I just find other ways of expressing it, if at all. Latent sexual tension and untold love exists between myself and many of my better female friends. I would never have sex with them. Just because. For more reasons than just the drama that could ensue. It just feels wrong. Sex isn't something I do with friends, it's something I do with a lover. Friends can become lovers, and lovers can become friends while staying lovers, but as long as somebody is just my friend, no matter how much I love them, I cannot have sex with them. And it doesn't cause me pain to know that I can't express that. Any tension that happens, I turn around and put into my current primary relationship. And as far as sex goes, I don't even feel the need for porn or "special alone time," because the only person I really want is my chosen lover.
I am like this too. I can't have sex with my friends. I also see that it is just weird and wrong to me. Yet I have many loves that I have sex with and they are different than friends. Does that make sense....?
Sorry if this is off topic, but perhaps it is relevant to understanding how some people do poly, for themselves.
You say that you wouldn't sleep with your female friends that you find yourself attracted too, because of the drama and that it just seems wrong, but where does that come from? Who says it's wrong? perhaps you could love them as you would a lover? Is that you telling yourself that because you believe it to be true culturally or is it really your nature telling you that?
I think I might be insulted too, I doubt it, but I get that.
Mono and I had a night with our mono friends last night whereby I was questioned about my poly status. They ended up calling to apologize this morning because they thought I would of been offended... not at all. I welcome questions and people pushing my believes about myself. I might of been offended if I didn't know them, but I trust that they love me anyways, so I welcomed the questions.
They said the same thing that you are in this above quote and I just don't get how its so confusing... I mean, it's the same thing as loving one person. Only I love more than one. There is just more people. It's the same feeling (I suspect). I have been in mono relationships and have been quite happy with them until a certain point of feeling stifled and trapped by them. I felt the same as I do now, loving many. There is no difference in how I love, just a different number.