Originally Posted by River
I'm quite uncertain how being mono- or poly- relates to, say, being hetero-, homo- or bi-..., in the sense of what are commonly called "orientations". People are generally understood not to change their sexual orientation (so-called). Yet many people do change their orientation with regard to poly- or mono- over time -- usually from mono- to poly, I suspect.
Do you think people "change" their poly/mono orientation, or just "discover" it?
A lot of homosexuals grow up surrounded by heterosexuality, not realizing there's an alternative. They try to be in opposite-sex partnerships, and no matter who they're with, it just doesn't "feel right." As they grow older and learn about other possibilities, i.e. such a thing as homosexuality, they start to identify with other lifestyles, finding support from others like them, realizing that it's OK to be like that.
I think this is exactly what happens with polyamory.
I'll even take it a step further.
I would say some people are even the "bisexual equivalent" of polyamory/monogamy. i.e. they can be happy in monogamous relationships AND in polyamorous relationships, without feeling trapped by monogamy nor forced by polyamory.
My intuition is that just about everyone falls somewhere in the grey area. It just seems as though there are more straight monogamous people because that's society's default, so if you're bisexual and poly-switch, it's just "easier to fit in" if you keep your behaviour at one end of the spectrum. It's not until someone comes along and blows your paradigm out of the water that you realize there are other options...