Thread: Vicki's Journey
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Old 03-20-2014, 01:43 AM
Vicki82 Vicki82 is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Niagara Falls, NY
Posts: 208

I guess the other big issue that is weighing on me a bit is about L. So we've been dating for over a month now, and we still haven't had actual PIV intercourse. That is not something I've done since I was a teenager. Hell, even my husband, who I met when I was 18, fucked me after a couple of weeks.

L has some form of impotence. He's not really sure what is causing the problem, because he has definitely gotten erections and been able to masturbate solo, but he says with a partner, he's always taken time to warm up, as he put it. The tricks he's used in the past to work through it haven't worked with me, and he's never gotten enough of an erection to actually fuck me- the one time we tried, he wilted with the condom. I told him if the condom is the issue (I've run into that before) that I'm willing to go bareback under certain circumstances, like him being fully tested, and that he needs to tell me if he'll have any other partners. But for now, anyway, it's a moot point.

He's also told me that he's never had a particularly high sex drive. He likes cuddling and other forms of physical intimacy more. He even made the comment last night that he's worried that I'll leave him because of his issue because he knows I have a very high sex drive. He is making an effort to get a doctor referral to try and resolve the issue though, so I told him not to worry about that for now.

I'm just not used to this. I really enjoy connecting to my partners sexually. I like sex in the missionary position, frankly, as vanilla as that is. I like face to face and kissing and looking into each other's eyes while his cock is buried deep in my pussy. There isn't much better than that, at times. We're still sleeping together and getting lots of touch and physical intimacy, but I miss actual sex. He's still satisfying me physically, but I guess it's not enough.

I can get my sex on the side, of course. I don't have time or interest in developing another relationship, but I have several FWB that I can just text when I want to get off. But it's not quite the same.

I definitely do not want to end the relationship. I am really, really enjoying seeing him. We have a lot of fun together, and between the vanilla and the D/s it's making me happy. But part of me is wondering if this will end up like it was with E, where I'm missing just one element of the puzzle but everything else is good so I settle.

I really don't know. Like I said, I wouldn't have looked at his profile twice if I'd seen him on OKC or the like, because there were too many things there that didn't appeal. Is there a reason and I should stick to that? But the issue I'm having is entirely unrelated.

I'm having a hard time. Are these the doubts I was just congratulating myself for not having this time?
Me: 34 yrs, poly pansexual Dominant female.
My People:
Henry, 30yrs, my collared submissive, cohabitating. Currently no other partners.
Kiddo, my 6 year old son
Mark/StbxH, my exhusband of ten years, finally divorced.
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