Hi, I'm new to this forum and poly too. I've been reading a lot of threads here trying to find things applicable to my situation (and there's been a lot of helpful messages). One issue I still have is it looks like I have aspergers syndrome (where I live, you can still be diagnosed with it). I'm in the middle of diagnostic process (or whatever it should be called).
So… onto how this relates to polyamory. I've been in a relationship with Salamander (hope no-one has used that one yet) for little over a year and we've talked about polyamory right from the beginning. It has been clear that even though it's what ve both want, I still have some issues about it, so we have taken things slowly so far. (My issues are mainly related to loneliness and being left out. I'm working on it and he wants to help and support me in the prosess.)
About a week ago he met someone (lets call her Sunflower) and this on top of a million other stressful things in my life at the time triggered an aspergers meltdown in me. We talked about everything and I asked him to slow down for a bit, so that I could breathe and relax. He aggreed and talked with Sunflower if she was willing to wait or not, and she's willing. Now I really wnat to work this situation up. I feel bad for making them wait. I've read so much about insecurities and jealousy and everything someone new to poly could face and I still feel confused.
It seems that the biggest issue for me in poly is that it is new to me. I'm ok with so many things if I have time to prepare myself for it (I even imagined Salamander having sex with another woman, he was dating, and it turned me on… There is someone I love, and I'm happy for his marriage and that he has a really awesome wife). But this now… it all happened so fast that I freaked out.
I feel it is unfair to ask Salamander and Sunflower to take things slowly, but I really don't enjoy these meltdowns. Has enyone experienced anything like this? How did you manage? I feel like poly is my thing and it is something I want to do. And I want him to have the freedom he is able to give me. I'm willing to work on my issues, but it seems like my aspergers syndrome traits make things a lot harder than they would otherwise be.
(Also, english is not my mother tongue, so I apologize for any mistakes