General entry about what life is like in our relationship at the moment.
For the last two months at least...honestly for as long as I can remember, M is living with me in my big old house, along with our two dogs, two cats and 7 fish, as well as her sister and brother-in-law.
If that sounds a bit like a recap of the first post, perhaps, but that's the state of the relationship as it stands. We've been dating since July of last year and it's flooooown by. I love that.
As M is 20, and still has a lot of life to experience, she doesn't like saying she lives with me. She likes the idea that she lives at home but hangs out over at my house. Honestly, she could go back whenever she wanted. That's her choice. I'd get kinda lonely, but I'd also get a lot more done around the house. When we're together all I want to do is watch Netflix with both of us cuddled up with the dogs or go out thrifting with her.
That's us sleeping in a nest we made from the two couches in my front parlour. So warm and cozy and amazingly nestled.
M's parents live about 30 minutes (one way) from where I do, in a much smaller time. Oddly, if she didn't have my house for a home base, she'd have a much harder time dating. She cruises Tinder, OkCupid, and Plenty of Fish for new friends, some of whom become date potential. There's a college and a capitol in my town so the best potentials come from here. It's infinitely easier for her to walk to the local cafe for a coffee date or even have one pick her up at my house for a date than if they'd have to go get her all the way at her parent's home. If I'm being perfectly candid, it also gives me a measure of intelligence about what's going on as well....and I'd rather know than not know. That's not to say she couldn't get dates to come pick her up, but they are usually casual dates and if I were one of them it would be a bit much, but who knows.
Sometimes she gets anxious about being too tied down and will go back to her house for a few days or a week, although she's getting more comfortable spending long times away from home. She's the middle child and definitely gets a bit overlooked at home, though her mother loves her immensely to be sure. Her mother is one of the most amazing women I've ever met and does a great job running a home, being a wife to M's step father, and managing M's 18-year-old brother who is a talented folk/blues musician.
Unfortunately, the brother gets an inordinate amount of attention and, frankly, money thrown at his career, while M is left to fend for herself. As I love her so much and she adds so much to my life, I've been glad to be her career cheerleader. The recent trip for a car show photoshoot as an example. I paid for the entire trip, as well as several props and outfits for her to wear. Don't think she's using me, please because she would have been fine without me doing any of it and she never forces me or manipulates me into paying for things. Her work is picking up in the near future and we've discussed her paying me back for a lot of the gas and other things. I love her and I love helping her achieve things. I do wish that her mother would support both of them equally, but there's no changing that situation.
Her future is a bit up in the air, as she didn't finish high school due to medical reasons and so college really isnt in her future. She took the ACT and would have gotten into Vanderbuilt if it wasn't for her medical reasons. As of now she has a soft place to land with both her parents and myself. 20 years old isn't very old at all, so she still has time for her modelling career to take off, which I hope it does.
So we're living together for the most part. She stays home during the day while I go to work. Nightly activities depend on how much money either of us has at the moment. Lately it's been staying home, watching Netflix and working out. When she does arrange a date with someone, I can't blame her for going out and getting a free meal and some new company. I've been on a date or two with someone else myself, though it's much easier for a 20 year old model to get a date than a 42 year old lawyer. Plus I'm low on funds.
For the moment, life is steadily moving along. I'm scrambling to pay my bills, but somehow I always do every month.
When she goes out on dates, the unease has lessened immensely, but I always have in the back of my head that she could find someone else who could take up more of her time. She's assured me that no one could ever take my place and I believe her, but that lingering idea will always be tucked back somewhere. The last date she had potential for something more...she thought he was attractive, smart, and fun to talk to...until he said something really creepy about them "making out to pay him back for the meal." It was a terrible comment, but I can't tell if she almost blew it out of proportion to have a reason not to date him...and keep things only with me...which maintaining the illusion of still being poly. Does that make sense? Is it wishful thinking? I don't know.
I did a much better job of keeping busy and doing my own thing around the house while they were out. She did tell him while they were eating about the poly situation, which he'd said he'd never encountered before, but was willing to experiment with. She usually tells people about my being her "steady, significant partner/companion if the date goes well enough that she might want another. I'm fine with that. You don't just spring that on someone.
As it so happens, I found a wonderful, smart, sweet and funny potential date on Tinder two weeks ago and we've been texting back and forth. If I had the money to go see her (she's an hour and a half away), I'd totally date her and that would ease the poly situation even more.
I found another one whom I'm not as enthusiastic about, but who might turn out to be more of a friend, which is fine too. A fun friend to hang with is always great.
Guess that does it for now.