Thread: very confused.
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Old 07-08-2009, 02:51 PM
polycuriouss polycuriouss is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: West Lafayette, IN
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Default very confused.


After being in a monogamous relationship for a year, my boyfriend broke up with me b/c he wants to be poly, and he didn't think I could handle it. Eventually he told me what he wants, and we are now back together.. I told him that I don't believe there's anything we can't work out as long as we decide we are committed to one another. He is extremely happy with me again and says he's completely committed to me.

Because monogamy is all I've ever known, I'm scared of this new lifestyle. All I know right now is what I DON'T want. I don't want any relationships we have with other people to become more important than OUR relationship. He explained to me that our relationship would be primary, and always more important. I'm just afraid that in the new, exciting stage of another relationship, one of us will start neglecting the other. That was an issue with us once with just a casual friend of his. I don't ever want to feel like I'm being pushed aside for someone else. I also don't want anyone else in our bed. And I would prefer that we have no overnight stays. I would insist on meeting any person he's dating, and I would introduce him to anyone I dated.

He talks about wanting to marry me and have kids, and is 100% committed to being with me. He just wants more. And I like the idea of being able to meet and date new people too. But b/c all I've known is monogamy, I'm kind of scared of falling in love with someone else. What if I meet someone and want to leave my bf for them? I trust myself not to cheat on my boyfriend, and would be honest with him if that situation came up. He told me he would be heartbroken if that happened.

How do I get over jealous feelings and just let him be happy dating others? And how do I trust myself not to fall in love and leave him. We want to date only other poly people, but we live in a small town, and that's another concern. We are most likely to meet monogamous people who run when they find out we have signiifcant others at home.

Please advise
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