So here I am. It's 3 o'clock and I cant shut my brain off.
Earlier today we had an argument about the frequency of our sexlife. She cried and got really anxious. I dont fault her for that. We almost didn't go on the trip. ffter that huge discussion where she knew I wanted more sex, here we are and nothing. Its like she's totally forgotten.
She tells me so much that she loves me but she uses the baby persona to keep me at bay, and I'm really tired of it.
The purpose of the trip is to take her to a car show where she has a modelling job. The photos will be on a car mag cover and in a full spread as well. She couldn't have made the trip without me taking her, but she didn't have to do a hard sell. I love her so I offered. It's also a great chance for us to take a trip to the beach. She's never been to the beach with a boyfriend/lover so I really want to make those memories. We're staying at my property down in Mobile, which I inherited from my father who in turn inherited it from my grandmother. My deadbeat uncle stays there at the moment.
So...On the trip down she mentioned giving me a blowjob but nothing. I've driven her down here, Gotten her hats done. Bought her outfits and strange and makeup and given her a place to sleep in Mobile ... but its like I'm back to being the gay best friend again. I packed all our suitcases and made sure that we had everything we needed just so this trip would go off without a hitch. And what response do I get? A platonic cuddle partner.
I'm afraid of what this means. I love her and her company. But it might mean we're just friends, despite all the love talk. Ultimately I know I'm afraid of being alone which is a major character flaw in me.
I don't think she's just using me for what I'm spending on her...at least not consciously. Hell this apartment is filthy. Its nothing to be impressed by. I can't believe Alvin paid $500 for it. Of course it does have utilities included. Still, Billy has this in terrible fucking shape. I wouldn't want to rent this thing.
l was distant right before she went to sleep and she noticed. She asked me what was wrong but I didn't want to start a fight night before her event tomorrow. I've waited this long, I suppose one more day won't be bad. I doubt tomorrow night will be any different, but here's hoping.
Update, next night:
So I step and fetch and dote on her all day. We stay up watching Seinfeld videos on Crackle until midnight when I've finally hit my limit. She knows and has known since our talk at home the other day that I want to have sex and yet nothing is happening. I go to the bathroom in a small bit of a pout (really not too bad. nothing really overt, just quiet and matter of fact) and when I return, she asks me what's wrong.
ME:"I don't want to fight."
HER:"If I promise we won't fight, can we talk about it? What's wrong?”
ME:"The same issue we've been talking about for a day and a half."
HER:"I was just thinking about that. Do you want to?”
ME:"well you've already shut me down twice tonight."
HER: "How was I supposed to know you are serious? *smile* I thought we were just joking."
ME: "I touched your boobs and you told me to stop. That's kinda serious to me."
HER: "I didn't know. I still want to ...do you?" *smile*
ME: smile..."of course, Sweet 'tato."
So she goes to the bathroom and I shuck off my clothes and wait for her to come back. She strolls in naked looking like a billion dollars and we have some really great sex. Afterwards she told me at one point I might have bruised her G-spot. I apologized and she asked "What are you apologizing for. Hitting the G-spot is amazing." On the drive home she told me she came at least 4 times which makes me feel great. I still have trust issues about that, but I'm slowly getting over them.
Here it is several days later...and I'm thinking back. She didn't just give in to having sex. She genuinely wanted to and I'm glad we did.
We just had sex again last night as a matter of fact. I'm kind of at the point where I don't feel I need sex as much as I thought I did. I'm sure that will ebb and flow, but that's where I'm at right now.
Me - male, 42, poly, straight, in a serious relationship with Audrey, also casually dating.
Audrey - female, 20, poly, pansexual, also casually dating.
Last edited by vanquish; 03-18-2014 at 08:38 PM.