It's a little over a year and a half since I cast the chains of monogamy, for the first year or so, I found a few people to date effortlessly. But those connections have fallen away, and lately I find myself faced with a dating desert.
I've tried online dating. So far, it hasn't done me much good. I've trial-member-shipped every site out there, before settling on OKCupid, Bisexual Connections, and Swinger's Date Club. I've spelled out that I'm mostly interested in women, but men/couples aren't totally discouraged. So far, online dating hasn't produced a lover, though I have made a couple of Facebook friends.
Tonight I was supposed to meet a guy I've been talking to from S.D.C. I was excited about it all week, texted him last night to confirm, he did, then today when I asked him what time to meet, he asked for a raincheck because he's sick. Ah, feelings of rejection and disappointment, the staple of online dating! Maybe he truly is sick, but I am inclined toward suspicion. I was really looking to forward to a hot date. We were going to go to this sexy desert bar...they have an amazing peanut butter pie and wine glasses rimmed in chocolate. Sigh.
If I learned anything from my ex-lover Coco, it's Do Not Chase. If someone most of the time BEHAVES like they aren't interested in you (doesn't matter what they SAY) best assume they aren't interested in you. I know I can't force a love connection, but I do wish I could manifest it, like, right now. Tonight. However, I'm aware there's some fine line between being able to say "I'm taking my sexuality into my own hands" (telling friends you're available?) and behaving as if desperate and depraved (a Craig'sList ad?)
Though I know it isn't healthy to compare my life to someone else's, especially not my ex's, who was a mess. But she always seemed to have suitors, her life was this revolving door of new love. Of course--and this is where the comparison becomes self-abusive--she's younger than me, more physically attractive, more able to travel outside our small city, and she doesn't come with a husband. On the other hand, her relationships are shallow and destined to fail, while love sticks around in my life in the form of my adorable husband, Arlo. So there.
I'm a love junkie. Seriously. I've spend time on a forum for love addiction, but (I understand that this sounds obvious) they weren't sex positive enough. I went there hoping to find healthier ways to love more-than-one, but they were not supportive of my married-but-dating status. When the moderator of that forum told me I should stop trying to reach a more sexually fulfilled state, and try taking up a hobby instead, I was pretty much out of there.
Husband's at work until late, no date lined up, no number in my phone I feel comfortable using as a booty call. Looks like the only hot loving I'll get tonight is from my vibrator. I'm still going get myself some peanut butter pie, though.
Early 40's female, bisexual. Transitioning out of a marriage to try to live a more authentic life.
Last edited by LoveBunny; 03-18-2014 at 06:08 PM.