A quick update on the state of things:
The contacts I made on OKC last fall have all gone by the wayside. Just as I was about to delete my account, again, I wrote to an intriguing woman who had looked at my profile but not written.
She wrote back, and we've started an enthusiastic correspondence. She is not much younger than me but has left a career to pursue a PhD in a field with some overlaps with my own. I hasten to add that she is not pursuing this degree at the institution at which I work.
We seem to have much in common, intellectually and perhaps personally, though much we might learn from one another as well.
Because of potential complications to our professional lives, we're both being very, very circumspect. Right now the topic for discussions seems to be whether we should meet face-to-face at all!
Well, if prudence demands that we don't meet just now, she's a marvelous pen-pal, if nothing else.
Oh, and she was delighted to finally meet a vanilla guy on OKC.
If I have reason to write about her again in this context, I'll use a pseudonym she herself provided when we moved our conversation over to email: Frankie.
Anyway, soon after I met her, I went ahead and deleted my OKC profile . . . again. It was taking up too much of my time and attention and needed to go away for good; the constant implied rejection, the sound of crickets chirping, with an oh-so-rare exception, is soul-withering.
In the mean time, I still see Metis occasionally for coffee or lunch or a concert, or in other contexts in which we have a shared interest, though less often than in the past. She has been spending more and more time with - and at the home of - her current boyfriend.
Once again, Metis is puzzling over what she wants. Monogamous marriage? With this particular guy? Maybe kids?
She has been surrounded all her life by failed and failing marriages, and marriages in her family continue to fail even now. That makes her skeptical of the whole enterprise. Besides that, the relationship with this particular guy is new enough that she's not sure she could make a go of it with him, not for the long haul.
Once again, I find myself in the role of confidant and advisor, at least providing a sounding board as she thinks things through. I'm not trying to convert her away from monogamy, just helping her to be intentional - rather than conventional - in the choices she makes.
I hope to see her for coffee tomorrow. I'll be interested to see how things have been going with the guy in question, and with her thinking about what she wants.
Speaking of monogamy, Nyx went and done eloped! She flew to New York recently to marry her girlfriend. That makes me so happy, I hardly know how to express it.
As for Vix, well, she seems to have gotten over Doc; when we talk about him, she just seems wistful about him, and also a bit bemused at the degree to which, even as he approaches retirement age, he is still a damaged little boy. He continues to be capricious in his choices about how and where to live, and I think Vix has come to the conclusion that she's well out of it.
The end of that relationship has left Vix a bit jaded. She says she really doesn't want to fall in love again, doesn't want to go through that kind of wrenching heartbreak.
That doesn't mean she doesn't seek out other kinds of connections with people, but she's just sort of done with the head-over-heels stuff . . . at least for now.
She was in another part of the country, recently, and got to spend a night with a beneficial friend - a guy with whom she has an honest and utterly uncomplicated relationship of mutual respect and occasional sex.
(Oddly, it's also the relationship that makes me the most unabashedly happy for Vix.)
Vix is also developing a relationship with a younger woman, also out of state but who travels around a lot. We were at an event over the weekend this particular young woman also attended - I'm likely to need a pseudonym for her, too, by and by! - and there was a hint of a beginning of some drama . . . but Vix managed to talk it through with her.
Vix - who traveled in another direction before coming home for the weekend - texted me earlier today to say that the drama between her and the younger woman is gone, leaving only confusion.
I noted that confusion is stage-appropriate - that is, appropriate to the stage of the development of their relationship.
Okay, so it wasn't such a quick update. It's been a while since I posted, though.
"Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge" - Charles Darwin
"Mystical explanations are considered deep. The truth is that they are not even superficial." - Friedrich Nietzsche
Last edited by hyperskeptic; 03-18-2014 at 03:57 AM.