Thread: Vicki's Journey
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Old 03-17-2014, 10:03 PM
Vicki82 Vicki82 is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Niagara Falls, NY
Posts: 208

Things have just been so good lately. A minor hiccup, but communication solves a lot of those.

I've been seeing J regularly, and our relationship makes me feel so good. He does all the little things to show me that I matter, that I'm just not used to. He's walked an hour to see me in -5 F weather. He doesn't smoke around me no matter how long we're together, and he makes sure he doesn't smell like cigarettes around me. For that matter, he's told me that this pack will be his last. We'll see how that goes.

The way he touches me... I really believe him when he says he thinks I'm beautiful. He touches me everywhere, and not just in sexual ways. He wants to cuddle and to be close to me. He texts me frequently and shows me that he wants to be with me.

We've slept together at his house twice, which is something I really enjoy. I find actually sleeping with someone to be a pretty intimate act, so it's not something I do with my casual sex partners. He was really cuddly the first night which was sweet but he kept waking me up. Of course, the look on his face was fabulous the next night when I pulled out wrist cuffs and rope and told him he was going to spend the night bound loosely to the headboard if he couldn't behave! It was so much fun.

We established a contract between us to last for a month, governing our D/s relationship. It's been so hot. We also went to a play party together which I really enjoyed!

The one part that was a little shaky was when we found ourselves having a sort of impromptu threesome with another woman. She was really hot and I'd been interested in her for quite some time, so I invited her to join us. We had a fantastic time. The only thing was that I found myself having some lingering feelings of insecurity and self consciousness afterwards. I mean, she's ten years younger and very attractive, and J and I have only been dating for a month. My mono wiring kicked in a little bit and I started to feel anxious that maybe they'd start dating and he wouldn't be as interested in me. I know I should feel happy if they do, but it just brought back insecurity.

Instead of just holding onto the bad feelings, I told him I was feeling insecure. It felt really good to have that discussion with him, and it helped when I heard his thoughts. He told me that he knew he was paying more attention to her than to me, but that he felt like she was the guest. I found that really reassuring, actually. Maybe I'm just being silly. I know I need to spend more time processing, but I needed something from him and he gave it to me, and now I'm feeling a lot better.

It was so good to cuddle up with him after having that discussion. I'm really starting to feel that emotional connection that I've been craving.
Me: 34 yrs, poly pansexual Dominant female.
My People:
Henry, 30yrs, my collared submissive, cohabitating. Currently no other partners.
Kiddo, my 6 year old son
Mark/StbxH, my exhusband of ten years, finally divorced.
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