Thanks, @NYCindie--I think it's funny how I was polyamorous before that was even a known word (early 1990's.) My friends and I thought we were the only people in the world living that way!
@Monkeystyle my husband is stubborn guy, but I'm just as stubborn
DADT is because he's comfortable with me being with others sexually, it's me falling in love with someone else he fears. That's why he resisted so badly when I first came to him about Coco, when he'd never freaked out if I fooled around with a girl before. I made it clear she wasn't going to be just a fling for me, and that changed everything.
Of course, this leaves me in an awkward place--if I just pursue sex without emotion, my husband is happy but I feel gypped. If I allow myself an emotional entanglement, my husband's fears and insecurities are triggered, especially if that someone turns out to be male. I'm trying to be true to myself AND true to my love and my marriage vows (which I promise you said nothing about "forsaking all others.") If our marriage falls apart, we have no kids, no shared assets (no house, no car.) Nothing keeps us together except our love and our history. It's kind of amazing that we choose, every day, to stay together despite our philosophical differences. Right now, I'm just taking it for a ride.....