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Old 04-11-2010, 04:48 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
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Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
The thing to consider however is that most monos will enter a relationship with another assumed mono expecting a sexually exclusive relationship. So if one partner than expresses a desire for more sexual partners (because deep friendships shouldn't be an issue in a secure relationship of any type) the mono person does have to make a huge change in expectations and fundamental values. They have to decide if they will, and can, be fulfilled by a partner who does not love in the same way they do....with sexual exclusivity. That is an enormous change to ask of a partner.
True. I don't see that change as great as having to choose to do mono when one naturally tends to do poly, though. It's the degree of change involved: on the one side, a mono still has a mono tie, it's the partner who has multiple ties; on the other side, a poly has to choose to do poly or mono, which involves personal behavior instead of only expectations of the partner changing behavior. The first is a change in expectations of a partner and the second involves a change in personal expression of relationships--a world of difference between the changes to be negotiated.

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Now if a mono person enters into a relationship with full understanding that it is sexually open, that is a totally different case. The same question will be asked but the expectations should be more realistic.
Certainly.

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And I know someone will point out that I am implying poly is heavily based on sex....I admit it, I do. If it wasn't for the desire to have sex with people who fullfill other needs then I wouldn't even think about it. It would just be friendships to me and therefore not an issue.....jeez I'm not that possessive
For some people, their poly tendencies likely are based on sex. The same is true for some mono folks--they wouldn't bother with close romantic relationships without sex being involved. All of the motivations for entering relationships apply to mono folk and poly folk alike. I have no objection to you pointing that out because it is true for some percentage of the poly population at all times.
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When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
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