I didn't know where else to vent about this. If I talk to my friends I will just get a lecture. If I talk to my parents it will just make me sad. I can't text my soon to be ex husband, obviously. My roommates are at work and they'd be upset with me too. So I'll let it out on this anonymous forum.
I miss my husband.
I hate that statement. What is there to miss? He was verbally abusive our entire marriage. He made me feel like I was a loser who didn't deserve anything. We were separated at the time our son was born because he had cheated on me with his ex wife. I went through the last two months of my pregnancy alone and the first few months of our son's life alone. I can't have any more children so my one experience with that will always be with him.
He's an alcoholic. He struggled with it our entire marriage.
I also saw him work on a lot of stuff during our marriage. I also had someone who knew me better than anyone, someone who I could talk to non-stop and he'd talk back and we'd just turn the radio off in the car and discuss everything on our minds for hours. We would read books to each other...had a great sex life.... he made me feel safe (ironic, right?)
I am stronger now. I can make it on my own. I enjoy raising my son by myself and not having to worry about the crazy ex wife, my stepsons (whom I love but who aren't the best influences), my awful MIL or SIL, etc etc. I don't have to be put down every day. I am enjoying life and I have big plans for myself, but....
I miss him. And I feel like a loser for saying so.
Neverwhere - exH, we have a son together.
Amanda - Neverwhere's 1st wife and one of the reasons my marriage to him ended. They have three sons together.
Mark - Neverwhere's brother. We are dating. He is mono.
JBR - My boyfriend of 8 months, also poly, has kids, we live together.