Originally Posted by lvfcs
Please, dont shudder redpeper. There's a lot I've left out on the post and to get to this situation we all had our share of blame. My biggest mistake was waiting for things to change because it was hinted on their part it will and because I thought it would get better with the passing of time.
Damn, this is a shame LVFCS !
I think everyone thinks (or hopes) that things will "change" with time. Because as a general rule - that's true. Time does seem to change everything.
But how much time is reasonable ? That's a grey area. And how much pain and discomfort one can endure while waiting is variable.
Obviously she still either has a fear of what true intimacy between you and him might mean to their relationship OR she is just one of these Type A control freaks. She struggles with the idea of not having her finger on the control lever.
Each of those possibilities requires a different transformation. Maybe if you knew which it was, it would shed light on what kind of time (if ever) would be anticipated and what might be needed to help the process.
But if you've endured this as long as possible, then it's understandable. And yes it hurts, but with that is an acknowledgment that we can't control the world - only ourselves