View Single Post
Old 04-11-2010, 02:14 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New England USA
Posts: 1,231

Originally Posted by AutumnalTone View Post

I think that's the key concept. A mono person involved with a poly person can remain mono without any expectation of ever changing. It is always the poly person involved in those ties who would have to change.

It turns out your question is then based on a false premise--that a mono person would have to change when involved with a poly person. That's not the case. The mono can stay mono--it's only the poly who would have to change and do mono.
Hi Autumnal,

Although I see entirely the logic - and therefore the conclusion you used in your post, I think it may come from taking the concept of "change" too literally.

In this context - "change" - really seems to refer more to understanding (truly) a way of thinking that may be completely outside ones background and experience. When you view it as you did here, as more of an "action" concept then I'd see where you come from.

But the issue seems to be a struggle to understand and embrace a totally different philosophy. Most poly minded people understand the monogamous model quite well. In fact, likely they have been living it. There's not much requirement for them to get their mind around it and what it might entail in the way of "action".

But for people who have ONLY ever understood monogamy there's a big learning curve. And a big part of that curve for some is just accepting that there may actually BE other models that are every bit as valid as the single one they were taught.

THAT is not so easy.

None of this addresses any "actions" that may need to be taken that are different than previous actions. Actions are somewhat easier once we have the real understanding clear in our mind. Then it just becomes "choices". Not that that is "easy", because it isn't always, but still it's generally far easier than reprogramming our brains.

My thoughts anyway..........

Reply With Quote