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Old 04-11-2010, 12:17 AM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In Redpepper's heart
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Originally Posted by AutumnalTone View Post
A mono person involved with a poly person can remain mono without any expectation of ever changing. It is always the poly person involved in those ties who would have to change.

It turns out your question is then based on a false premise--that a mono person would have to change when involved with a poly person. That's not the case. The mono can stay mono--it's only the poly who would have to change and do mono.
The thing to consider however is that most monos will enter a relationship with another assumed mono expecting a sexually exclusive relationship. So if one partner than expresses a desire for more sexual partners (because deep friendships shouldn't be an issue in a secure relationship of any type) the mono person does have to make a huge change in expectations and fundamental values. They have to decide if they will, and can, be fulfilled by a partner who does not love in the same way they do....with sexual exclusivity. That is an enormous change to ask of a partner.

Now if a mono person enters into a relationship with full understanding that it is sexually open, that is a totally different case. The same question will be asked but the expectations should be more realistic.

And I know someone will point out that I am implying poly is heavily based on sex....I admit it, I do. If it wasn't for the desire to have sex with people who fullfill other needs then I wouldn't even think about it. It would just be friendships to me and therefore not an issue.....jeez I'm not that possessive

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Monogamy might just be in my genes

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