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Old 03-13-2014, 04:27 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Portland, OR
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Originally Posted by RedPanda View Post
I think that part of the confusion comes from mononormative culture where, yes, the success of a marriage is measured by it's length and stability.

Part of the poly lifestyle is to be flexible and adapt to change. Sometimes you have to let a partner go because their life takes a different turn.
I would certainly agree that trying to measure success of a relationship by how long it lasts or how bullheaded the members are about their commitments to one another is misguided, at best.

We could all be better off if we continue or end relationships based on the healthy exchange of positive things (happiness, encouragement, stimulation, etc). This is as true for mono relationships as it is for poly. There is nothing inherent in poly which necessitates this flexible approach toward longevity.

Originally Posted by RedPanda View Post
I think that it's inherently misleading to measure the success of a single poly relationship. I think that shows a fundamental misunderstanding of the lifestyle.
Are you suggesting that if one wanted to measure the success of a poly relationship that they would need to somehow take an average of overall success of multiple relationships?

Each relationship I have with a person is individual, whether I'm dating multiple people or just one (it's the same with friendship). Mono folks do it the same way, they're just having one of these relationships at a time. So, one could make the same argument for mono, that it is misleading to measure individual relationships and that an overall average should be kept in mind to measure success or failure... which would be silly.
Me: male, 43, straight, non-hierarchical, independent
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