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Old 04-10-2010, 06:35 PM
saudade saudade is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 139
Wink Oi!

First, answers to Jools's questions:

Don't you get jelous?
How do you deal with Jelousy?
Isn't one enough?
Where does everyone sleep?
What will you do when you have kids?
1. I only get jealous when I can't be with someone I'm interested in the way we want to be, and someone else can.
2. Everyone handles jealousy differently. If you're curious about polys and jealousy in general, here are some books and articles I recommend...
3. Enough what? [On this one, I'd prefer a conversation where you find out the other person's underlying concern... It could be anything, from that prompt!]
4. [I do my best to answer awkward questions like this, even when they're no one's "business"... I prefer giving someone a picture of what's really happening, rather than the scary thing they're imagining.] Each of my life partners has a bedroom in the home we share with our friends, and I share their rooms with them. [If they keep asking polite questions, I do my best to give polite answers from there; that one of my men is heterosexual is usually answer enough!]
5. Raise them and love them. What are you wondering specifically? [Again, I'd rather it be a conversation about underlying concerns, not my soapbox.]

Here are some other questions I've gotten:

What happens when you get married?
[Wedding between myself and K is 5.5 months away.] We get to have a big party, and then we go back to life as usual, with extra legal benefits... No, K & Twig & I are not splitting up in the foreseeable future.

Aren't you worried about getting an STD?
That's a concern in any sexual relationship. Are you interested in hearing about our safe sex practices? [If they say yes, I tell them: condoms & common sense.]

What happens if you have kids and you all split up?
Honestly, it's messy and complicated. Here's my understanding of local laws on the topic... and here's how we plan on handling it... [like civilized human beings! My father-out-law asked me this one when we first met, and I really appreciated his thoughtfulness.]

How does it feel to know you're cheating on your boyfriend/fiance?
[This one is my personal favorite, ugh!] In our relationship, we define cheating as not telling each other who we are involved with and how. I'm not being dishonest with any of my partners, so I'm not cheating, and honestly the way you phrased that question hurts.
"I was thorough when I looked for you, and I feel justified lying in your arms." - Chasing Amy
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