We have only had one real problem so far in our relationship, and that mostly has to do with division of labor and spending time together.
Curls works a standard monday through friday job which she is at from about 7am to about 4 or maybe 5pm every day. She is a morning person, a serious morning person. Fortunately, years ago she came to the understanding that I will NEVER be a morning person myself, and she quit trying. But it doesn't prevent her from getting up every morning on Saturday and cleaning the house top to bottom.
This solitary task of hers has never been an issue until about two weeks ago when she was in a bad mood and told Freckles and I that she was upset that neither of us were doing our share of the cleaning.
We were taken aback by this a little bit, because we DO clean up quite a bit, we both do the cooking and clean the kitchen when we are done every night. But the cleaning that she means was all of her usual Saturday morning stuff... things that she has NEVER in fifteen years complained about having to do by herself before.
Obviously this wasn't the real problem, so the three of us sat down and talked about it. The REAL issue was that she was feeling left out. You see, as I had pointed out before, I am in retail. I am second-in-command of a sprawling big box store and I work the overnight shift. This schedule has always left Curls and I clawing at every available moment we can find together. Both of us have Sunday off, and that has always been our day together, plus I will stay up and have breakfast with her on Saturday after I get off work and before I got to bed.
Likewise, Freckles is a nightowl and keeps pretty close to the same schedule that I do without really needing to. It's just the schedule that she feels most comfortable with. This has caused a little bit of hard feelings with Curls because Freckles and I have MUCH more time to spend together than her and I do. Freckles doesn't work. She wanted to get a job after moving in with us, but we have refused the offer. She is in her last year of college before getting her bachelor's degree, and we have made it clear that is far more important than working right now.
So because of schedules, Curls feels like she is disconnected from us for six days out of the week and she sees us as having all this fun without her that she is left out of. And it's true, Freckles and I DO have a good time together, but we tried to make Curls understand that we don't set out to not include her, it's just a crappy mismatch of schedules.
We are trying, though. Freckles is making it more of a priority to be awake when Curls is home so they can spend time together and that has been going well. Meanwhile, hopefully in a year or two I will have my own store and will be primarily working days again and all three of us will have a lot more time together.
Me - 37 years old male, father of three wonderful girls.
Curls - 33 years old female, My wife of fifteen years.
Freckles - 22 years old female, our awesome girlfriend.