So we got married. It was one of the happiest days of my life. I felt like we could really put aside our differences and be each other’s people, accept each other and support each other through anything. It was a great time and we were in love and now committed to each other legally. It was a very big deal. We continued on our course together, working on ourselves and our relationship, with varying degrees of success. There was always work to do, house, business, relationship. Our dynamic continued to be at times fiery, and we at times questioned whether we were right for each other. I had some resentment building from the feelings of being emotionally manipulated into things that were never quite dealt with. The main focus seemed to be me and my issues, and how I could change or be changed to fit better into the relationship structure. I tried so very hard to be someone that, ultimately I am not. It created a lot of turmoil inside myself, and some of which I could express, and some of which I couldn’t. Within the first year of being married Cinder floated the idea of having a threesome. Our sex life had lost some of its zing, and we weren’t having as much as she wanted. I know in hindsight it was the beginning of my discontent with some of the emotional pressure I felt under a lot of the time. And C had bi tendencies, so she began to talk to girlfriends about it to get an opinion about how to proceed. Lo and behold there where a few volunteers. We decided to pursue it with one in particular, who had threesome experience. It was quite the fun time, we even almost light the bed on fire literally
Candles not too close to the bed kids… It was, well, pretty amazing. We all took to it pretty naturally. Cinder really embraced her Bisexuality, and I generally gave the girls the lead and was present when needed. I’m pretty laid back in that way, not the in your face “get out of the way we are having a threesome” kind of guy. I respected cinders desires to explore her sexual identity. Her and “Curlz” hit it off as girlfriends and hung out a little bit, in fact Curlz was a part time employee at her business, which could have been a little awkward. Then, very quickly, I saw Cinder fall in love with Curlz. And invite her to move in. We had off and on had roommates in this big house we had bought, and it just so happened we were in between roomies. So after a month of weekend threesomes, in moved Curlz. I was kinda stunned by how fast things moved, but just went with it. I liked Curlz, and we had some pretty hot sex, but was unattached, she was quite younger that I was, and didn’t have a lot in common. It was what her and Cinder wanted so I went with it. The dynamic changed pretty quickly, and not for the better. Cinder, I think, has her way in which she wanted things to be, just so. And when Curlz ended up being a little messy, or unmotivated, or awkward around handling Cinders particular emotional wants and needs, first the sex ended, and then the friendship. Curlz moved out after 3 months? And we rarely spoke again. It was a pattern that played itself out to varying degrees over the next half dozen lovers as we expanded our sexual forays into including other women, most of which turned into ongoing flings.
The pattern was pretty clear. Cinder would find us lovers, do most of the leg work, communication, email, texting, relationship building. I got kind of jealous, and was feeling like a stunt cock. I didn’t like the being left out of all the fun part about getting to know someone, I wanted more communication, interaction. Cinder was good about sharing everything with me, but still it all flowed through her hands and I felt, well, powerless. I wanted self-determination. I wanted to have the interpersonal relationship to go with the sex.
That was a struggle, and we processed a lot around it. Up to this point it had been ok but my anxiety and resentment had been building, and then we met Raven. And everything would soon change.