I think I need to spend some time examining my thoughts. Comments/feedback definitely appreciated on this post.
I suppose that I have always possessed an unconscious or semiconscious bias towards people who are intelligent and well educated. I never considered myself being friends with or spending time with someone who wasn't, but it wasn't something I thought about. I just didn't spend time with people outside my social sphere.
The more time I spend with J, the better we get to know each other, which is awesome. We've been chatting as well as enjoying our D/s and BDSM play.
If I had seen all the things I know about him in a dating profile on OKC, for example, I'd have dismissed him out of hand as a poor fit. He smokes, both cigarettes and pot (although he says he's quitting smoking for me and I believe him), he lives in his sister's basement, and he's a high school dropout with a dead end job. There is nothing in that that I could possibly find appealing.
But he's not the kind of guy I picture when I think of all those things. So am I stereotyping "that kind of person"? I don't really know. I know the qualities I'm drawn to, and he's got them. I'm not looking for a primary relationship or I know some of these things would be a dealbreaker. But some of them don't really matter to me as a secondary, and I genuinely like him, which I guess surprises me under the circumstances.
We enjoy each other's company in leisure time, play games together, watch movies, and can make conversation just hanging out. And the D/s and BDSM energy between us is fantastic, intense, and a lot of fun.
So I guess I'm just feeling confused. Not sure if I'm confused because my (mis)conceptions are being challenged, or if these are flags I should be paying attention to, or if I'm just feeling funny today.
I guess to pin it all down... I like J. I enjoy spending time with him. I enjoy being in a relationship with him. But I feel like I shouldn't. My base reaction is that I'm "out of his league", and even typing that repells me. I never thought that I had prejudices like this.
I'm going to continue dating him, because I enjoy him as a person. He's not anything like what I thought someone in his situation would be like, and I want to continue getting to know him. Just wanted to shake some of the cobwebs out of my head.
: 32 yrs, poly pansexual Dominant female.
Mark/StbxH, my husband of ten years, now separated with no desire of reconciliation.
Henry, 28yrs, my collared submissive, dating for 11 months and recently cohabitating. Currently no other partners.
Jennifer, 39yrs, dating for a year. Married and has other partners.
Kiddo, my 6 year old son