Back to Dan Savage for a minute. 2 things:
Much of the gay community is anti-poly. Gay men seem to think one committed couple, both having NSA sex on the side (or sex-only 3somes) is OK, but actual feelings/love between outside sex partners is not OK. Men struggle to identify, express and work through feelings.
Many lesbians are extremely couple-centric. Younger ones may play around on the side, but rarely seem to be actually polyAMORous.
As far as Savage saying he's never been invited to a 5 year poly relationship anniversary, what does that even mean? A triad's or quad's anniversary?
My bf Ginger has been with his wife for 25 years and it's always been an open relationship. He's poly, she's free to date too, but has no interest, so it's basically a mono/poly relationship.
My gf miss pixi and I have been together 5 years and we have both had multiple partners over the years.
Ginger, pixi and I are pretty happy with the way we do relationships (we have our speedbumps, but work them out). But in contrast, when I was with my ex h for 30 years, monogamously, that may look like a success Dan Savage would approve of. However, we had more problems communicating than you could shake a stick at, despite having seen 3 or 4 therapists together and separately over the years.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley
Mags, F, 60, poly-dating, loving and living with
miss pixi, F, 38
Punk, 41, M (dating since Oct 2015)
and a few more casual relationships