Thread: open or poly?
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Old 03-12-2014, 12:51 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 6,525

A NSA relationship can be hard to arrange. Some people, swinger types, manage it by going to clubs where everyone is on board with sex only, friendships kept to a minimum. Some people avoid kissing as that can trigger hormones to make you feel like you are falling in love.

It seems like you want friendship/romantic attachment AND sex. Be honest with yourself. You want affection, good talks. Not just wham bam thank you ma'am. Do yourself a favor and go slowly until you work out your actual goals. If you did fall in love with another woman, and she with you, and your wife reacted badly, and you broke up with the other woman to stop hurting your wife, you'll be hurt, your new gf would be hurt, and your wife wouldn't stop hurting just because you stopped seeing the other woman.

Your wife is not really a good candidate for being the wife of a poly man. She's terrible at communicating, and complete transparency is a requirement for successful joyous polyamory. My ex h was passive aggressive. UGH.

Wife may find the idea of you having sex with others stimulating, for now, as a fantasy. However, it seems to me she's a candidate for extreme jealousy and depression once you find the right woman to form a new relationship with, unless your (plural) communication skills improve.

You both also have unrealistic expectations of what a marriage counselor can do to help.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 62)
Pixi (poly, F, 40) my partner since January 2009
Kahlo (poly-curious, M, 45) my bf since August 2017
Master, (mono, M, 36), Pixi's Dom/bf since April 2013
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