Originally Posted by Breathesgirl
A lot of times (dare I say most times?) the person needs to be Dominant in their personal life as well, not just bedroom or kink.
You've heard the term 'true submissive?" (HUGE squick factor here btw. I HATE that term!) Some people claim that you can only be submissive if you it is in your blood, who you were born to be....BULL!!!!!
I do believe, though, that there is a Dominant or submissive trait in all of us. Some have one or the other and some have a little bit of both.
Some things you can teach: properly wielding a flogger or cane, for example.
Some things can't be taught: how to Dominate someone. (There can be a fine line between domineering and Dominating though)
He just may not be able to Dominate the two of you. The chemistry may not be right for that to happen.
There are some people who can only submit to a certain type of person, to a certain gender, etc.
I can only submit for certain things...I will gladly submit my body for a flogging as long as the person I'm submitting to has my trust. Getting to me to submit as, say, a house maid????? Forget it! Ain't gonna happen!
Maybe he's a Top as opposed to Dominant. He can play with someone till the cows come home but is just totally unable to Dominate someone for what ever reason.
Thank you for saying this. I think sometimes the terms get lost and aren't given room to grow into and out of. It seems that quite often domineering is what is thought of as dominant by some doms. I see that quite often. Its really a fine art to dominate. I am really not a top in my relationships but do dominate I think. Interesting to look at the difference.
I agree also that trying each role out is important to find the right fit. Its also important I think to be open to that changing. Having a hard and fast "rule" around ones role could possibly be damaging to oneself and others.