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Old 03-09-2014, 08:54 PM
bookbug bookbug is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 757

Catching up on this long sad story.

I do understand the pain of the male in this story - as I watched the male in our failed triad go through much of the same. Like your story, the wife encouraged the triad; after she changed her mind, she screamed betrayal and created her own self-fulfilling prophesy. I was gone from their house a year (and through two marriage counselors) when they separated. It's now been over a yeR since they separated, and the finalization of the divorce is imminent.

The difference between your guy and the one I was involved with? Although he too initially believed that if his wife had been on board once, she could be again, when she asked me to leave, he accepted this was not the case. Logic prevailed; not emotionally driven wishful thinking. He then spent the next year trying to repair their marriage - issues that rose to the surface perhaps due to my presence, but issues that were there long before me. When he had exhausted every means at his disposal to reach some kind of mutual understanding with his wife, and it became apparent that nothing less than his total capitulation would make her happy, he left. He left because it was logical thing to do - although every emotion screamed for him to stay. He has struggled emotionally, doubting himself (especially with two children to consider), but logically there was no way for the two of them to have a happy marriage.

Your guy is not accepting the logic. His feelings are his total guide, which accounts for his changeability. I don't believe his intent is to manipulate. I do believe he is failing to accept reality.
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