Now I have faced something totally new in my relationships. In both of them, simultaneously. Trust issues. So far I have been able to trust them both 100% in everything, and now… no more. I do not want to go into detail on a public forum like this, but some things to notice.
With one of them, I should have noticed earlier. I could have, but I chose to not see. And then the problem escalated -- until now we have talked about it and are slowly rebuilding the trust and openness. Wish us luck!
With the other, I could have been more clear with the communication. I did not listen, I was not ready to take in what he had to say. When I finally did realize what he had been trying to tell… it was a bit too late. Result: explosion. Oh well, we are working on better communication, and I am very hopeful.
This is such a learning curve for me. Feelings of insecurity like never before… I have come face to face with my biggest fears, really. Now I am wondering whether jealousy feels like this?? In my case there is no outside person in this mess, my guys are not seeing anyone else right now, and I would be just fine if they did (I know it from before, I am happy for CJ when he finds new dates).
I know they both have been struggling with jealousy in the past, and I have not been very understanding at all. I have never been jealous myself. Now my insecurity buttons have been found, and this is all new to me. I am hoping that when we all get through this, our relationships will grow stronger and more realistic. Trust is really not trust if it is built on false premises and assumptions. I find myself guilty of making them - even though it is my rule no 1: do not make assumptions.
sharing my everyday life with
CJ: legal husband and