View Single Post
  #6  
Old 03-08-2014, 08:43 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 8,435
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by PolyinPractice View Post
I know you're supposed to wait until your marriage/relationship is strong before you open it up? But what happens if you just open it too early and don't realize? What if you only realize all the insecurities AFTER one of the parties in the couple meets someone?

Basically, how do you KNOW you're ready?
Since I, like many others here, practice solo poly, I won't address the questions that are geared only toward couples. But as far as knowing when you're ready for a polyamorous situation, I would say one good way to gauge your readiness is whether you feel compersion or not.

If you can truly be happy and excited for one of your partners to be involved, in love, sexual, and sharing intimacy of all kinds with another person, independent of their relationship with you, then I'd say you're ready. If you're quivering in fear and insecurities, or giving into competitiveness and paranoia that they're going to leave you, and wanting to control everything they can or cannot do, then you probably need to do some inner work first.
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 03-08-2014 at 10:35 PM.
Reply With Quote