Originally Posted by confusedpoly
I feel like I have lost the connection with both of them. None of talk like we use to and yes I know a large part of that is because of me. Which I have taken immediate steps to rectify. Tomorrow night is date night. I told both of them to bring a list of things they want to talk about: thoughts, feelings, issues, good things, bad things, things that need improved and changed. I hope this helps.
I'm not ready to give up on all of us yet. I love them both. I just find myself constantly struggling to accept.
I have a question for you. Do you have date nights with each of them individually or is it always a three way date?
It may seem like you never get alone time with either of them because it seems like you are always together, all three (or more with kids) of you. Shared intimacy can be wonderful but you have to take care to have some of that one on one intimacy as well or you could risk losing that which brought you and your husband, you and your girlfriend and your husband and girlfriend together in the first place.
My boyfriends and I have nights which are ours exclusively. Sunday night is for my Primary. That time is ours to do with as we choose. We usually spend it reconnecting after a long work week and a weekend of having my kids around. Sometimes we invite friends to join us for a movie night or a potluck dinner.
Tuesdays is for Possibility and myself. It's for quiet times, TV shows on DVD, reconnecting after a week apart.
Usually Wednesday is for my Primary and his possibility, depending on their work schedules.
Friday nights are my time to reconnect with myself and recharge my batteries! The kids are out with friends, boyfriends are gaming together & I get the peace and quiet my soul craves during the week.
I will second (or is it third) http://www.xeromag.com
. I have used it to help me get past the hurdles of jealousy and hurt feelings, communication (or lack of), how NOT to do polyamory, how to be a secondary, etc.
just because we all love each other doesn't mean that it makes everything easier
You just said a mouth full! Love can often times complicate things beyond our wildest imaginings! In the end though it is worth the effort.