Originally Posted by newpoli
I am just trying to figure out if these are things that I need to learn to accept as I journey into poly or if these are things that should be red flags.
That was mondo helpful.
If you browse around a bit on these forums you will find that there are many different flavors of poly.
Among the hierarchical poly folks there is more acceptance of titles like "primary/secondary" and rules governing what partners are allowed to do. This sounds like what the poly couple you are involved with is practicing. The other extreme of the spectrum are the folks who make no demands of any kind on their partners relationships and who consider any jealousy/envy issues to be largely that persons issue to deal with.
If I were you, I would focus less on what your partner is doing and more on what you want out of a relationship and then seeking that out.