Good point Marcus. Thanks for the advice.
So a bit more about my situation...
I am new to poly, but through the advice of a friend finally took the leap into a poly relationship. I have been dating my boyfriend Z for six months. I feel like his wife has controlled most every step of our relationship. At first we were not allowed to see each other more than twice a week. Our physical relationship was basically stalled because she didn't feel that she was ready for us to have sex. Overnights are not allowed.
Slowly most of these things have relaxed. Overnights still are not allowed, except for one time when she was having a weekend away with her other husband. While some things have relaxed I still feel like if I go to their house for a date we are not on a date. I do not feel very welcome or comfortable there because she will tell him later that she didn't feel like she got enough of her time.
I am just trying to figure out if these are things that I need to learn to accept as I journey into poly or if these are things that should be red flags.