Originally Posted by polybynature
Hi all! So I've been poly for just over a year, and have two great partners, one being my spouse. Since my other partners and I started a relationship, his marriage has gone slowly down hill. Not solely because they became poly but for a number of reasons over their 20 plus year relationship along with her finding a new partner she became monogamous with.
Its been months, the've taken of separate places in the house and barely spend time together. They have no children, yet both don't seem to want to get divorced. I have trouble grasping why they still do marginal activities, awkwardly attend family functions, and say they want to stay together despite having no real relationship. I want a little perspective because I want to be supportive...but its been a long hard struggle providing him all his relationship needs while she was continually rejecting and upsetting him. Honestly, I wonder why one of them doesn't just leave.
Any experience, perspective on a long term couple like this splitting up...but not splitting up? I get sharing finances and a home...but I don't understand how he still is interested in multiple aspects of her life when she doesn't want him, and he admits she will never be fulfilling as a primary. I sincerely hope this didn't sound judgemental and would be happy to explain more.
My wife is without a doubt my best friend...I enjoy my time with her and the time we spend as a family. Most people who know us tells us we seem to have a great marriage. From their perspective, we do...After 10 years of being SAHM, she is going back to work. There is no way she can function on her own financially. Neither one of us want to lose our friendship or spend time away from our daughter..
In 20 plus years, my wife has only said I Love You a hand full of times..She just doesn't feel it. Nor do l. We get along on so many other levels. I know she feels a certain obligation to have sex with me, even though she enjoys it and climaxes, she is just fine to go without it...O don't want her to feel that way...It doesn't make me feel all that great either..
It that a reason to D? I don't think so...not yet.
Her fear with an open marriage would be I would fall in love with somebody. Then a D would soon follow... I refuse to do the blended family thing, I dont want a step-mom for my daughter or a step dad, and I don't want my wife to be hurt in any way...I wouldn't hurt a friend that way, so I wouldn't hurt my wife either. We are life partners, best friends, for better or for worse...
I don't want my marriage, even a friendship marriage to end or go downhill because we opened it up...That is always a possibility...
Just one more thing to think about...