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Old 03-07-2014, 02:13 PM
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YouAreHere YouAreHere is online now
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: SoNH
Posts: 750
Default Interesting side thought...

So an interesting side thought came up last night.

Chops was talking about how the guy Xena was on the date with during the nut-tastrophe hasn't gotten back in touch with her yet, which he found odd because the guy was usually very communicative. Chops then went on to say how we're spoiled with the level of communication we have with each other, and how it's tough when you don't get it from others.

My response was that, well, this guy hasn't really known her all that long, and they're still in the "dating" phase - maybe it's a bit too soon to expect that level of communication and give-and-take that the three of us have.

Pretty typical conversation, except there's one thing I didn't say, and that's the fact that if I'd been the guy, that nut incident (and lack of ability to do anything about it) would have wigged me right the eff out.

There's a fine line between being Chops' friend and being Chops' partner, and it sucks when I'm conflicted about which direction to go in. Having THAT conversation could be construed as "anti-Xena" and raise his hackles up, and I don't really want to come across as catty, or like I'm trying to badmouth her to him and cowgirl him away.

If I were simply a friend with no stake in this at all, I'd probably have said it - that maybe he's wigged out and maybe this is why (although he really should SAY something to her, rather than just ignore it until it goes away).

Instead, I sit and bite my tongue, and Chops comes to a different conclusion entirely, which is that I don't give a rat's ass about Xena's date and would like to talk about something else.

I suppose if he brings it up again, I'll try to figure out how to delicately say *something* without sounding like I'm trashing Xena. I just hate trying to meter my own words when, if it were truly just a friendship, I'd have said something by now. It's not easy coming across as a neutral party when I'm really not. Bleh.

OTOH, I'm looking forward to a fun weekend in NYC with my daughter's dance group (yes, I'm apparently a dance mom, although I'm not a "Dance Mom"). I think we'll be stalking the Today Show on Monday morning, so if you see a sea of girls in blue, I'll be among the pack of moms. <wave>
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Dramatis personae:
Me: Mono. Divorced, two kids, two cats, one house with many projects.
Chops (previously 'P'): My partner of ~3 years. Poly. In relationships with me, Xena, and Noa.
Xena (previously M1): Poly. In relationships with Chops and Noa, and dating others.
Noa (previously AG): Married, Poly. In relationships with Chops and Xena (individually).

My navel-gazing blog thread:
A Mono's Journey Into Poly-Land (or, "Aw hell, there's no road map?!")

Last edited by YouAreHere; 03-07-2014 at 02:15 PM. Reason: Exztra lestters ihn randgom plxaces
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