Grief is a weird thing. It's been a bit over a year since my old love died, a bit over 2 since Dad died and a bit over 3 since my sweet girl dog died.
I've been feeling pretty much okay for a time.
And then a friend of mine sent me a message on facebook. She's a very good friend. Knows C and I well. She'd spotted a homeless dog who she thinks would be a perfect fit for C and I's household. So she messaged me about him.
I spent much of the evening in tears. She's right - the dog looks like he would be a perfect fit. He needs a good home. And yet I am not ready. I cannot yet contemplate making that level of emotional commitment. I felt guilty and sad about not being able to help. I worried about whether or not C would prefer to have a dog friend living here.
That night I dreamt about my old love. I woke up with the familiar feel of his body under my fingers and smiling about watching him play with another dog. It felt like losing him all over again. Yesterday I grieved all over again for him.
Losing a dog is such a physical and emotional loss.