Wow all of you guys are great! You ask alot of insightful questions that require some deep thinking and soul searching on my part. And I sincerely appreciate the great advice.I'm going to respond to everyones post in one big post, hope no one minds. Let me start off by saying to Loving Radience that I do very much enjoy reading. I haven't read the articles you suggested but I certainly will. I also read towards the beginning of our relationship Jenny Block's book Open. It was helpful but I wish it had been more in depth about how her and her husband dealt with all the feelings. Does anyone know any other books I can read? Polyamory books can be hard to find at the library.
I've been doing alot of thinking since yesturday and I realized I need to put more thought into how I word things before I say them.
Before all of this started I was not a jealous or insecure person. So these are all completely new emotions for me. I just wanted to clear up that i never been worried about them leaving me for each other.
What made me happy about all of this in the beginning that it seems like I've lost now is the connection with both of them. Let's just clear up the sex versus relationship issue. Yes the sex is great, but no I never planned on that being the focus of our relationship. I want a real meaningful relationship for all 3 of us. I want us all to be one big happy family. We consider everything ours. The kids, the pets, the house, finances, decision making, etc. etc.
I feel like I have lost the connection with both of them. None of talk like we use to and yes I know a large part of that is because of me. Which I have taken immediate steps to rectify. Tomorrow night is date night. I told both of them to bring a list of things they want to talk about: thoughts, feelings, issues, good things, bad things, things that need improved and changed. I hope this helps.
I'm not ready to give up on all of us yet. I love them both. I just find myself constantly struggling to accept.