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Old 04-09-2010, 07:59 PM
CFstasha CFstasha is offline
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Chicagoish, IL
Posts: 21

Originally Posted by EugenePoet View Post
I never thought about polyamory until about 4 months ago, but I had the opposite reaction from yours: "Well, that's a good idea and it seems quite natural, too."
Ditto on this, and my husband and I had even had discussions about opening our relationship up and found it not at all worth the bother. It was an option, we supposed, but added a layer of complexity to our marriage that simply wasn't worth it.

Not that I've quite unexpectedly fallen for someone else, that value judgment has switched. Suddenly it WAS worth the trouble, and shockingly it feels entirely natural for all parties. How did WE meet? He's the boyfriend of my relatively new but very dear friend; they are both polyamorous. We fell for each other while trying very hard not to, because mutual friends were off-limits in their arrangement. After a long discussion, I was granted an exception. I win.

But anyway, there's hard-wired mono and there's something more fluid, and I think that's where I fit in. If I hadn't met my boyfriend, I sincerely doubt I'd have ever explored polyamory as far as seeking someone out, just as I doubt my husband will seek someone out to date, though he knows if he feels a connection with someone he can pursue it.

What polyamory gives to me is the knowledge that falling in love with someone else doesn't mean I've failed at my marriage, or that there's anything wrong with my marriage. I love my husband completely.

Everyone's had such great insights (as they tend to 'round these parts), but I just wanted to add again: It's totally acceptable to not be okay with being in a polyamorous relationship, or in a relationship with a polyamorous person. But as far as I've seen, people get hurt when (1) they can't be honest with their partner about how they truly feel about their relationship and (2) either partner does not take the other'(s)' concerns about opening the relationship seriously.

I'm glad you're talking about it, because if this is something your partner wants (and it sounds like that IS a possibility), it's best to get it out in the open now, for better or worse, before he feels like deceiving you is the better option. I hope you're happy with what you learn, and if he wants to be poly and you decide you do want to try to indulge his need, the people here are unbelievably supportive.

Good luck to you, and welcome!
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