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Old 03-05-2014, 06:31 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: SoNH
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
I don't think your misgivings and frustrations are unreasonable at all. Xena sounds... narcissistic. Her own satisfaction seems to be her focus all day, every day. So, in that sense, she is doing these things on purpose, not out of a vindictive or devious need to throw a wrench into other people's lives, but simply because it's all about her and what she wants, and any concerns about others is either secondary or not thought of at all. Yes, oblivious because no one else matters, yet people like that can be incredibly lazy about doing the work needed to take care of themselves. They just want to be special.
Reading this really caught my attention, because that's exactly how I thought of my ex. We moved across the street from his mom, she owns the lawnmower (that my ex borrows), she owns the snowmobiles (that he borrows), if he ignores home repairs (like he does), she'll arrange the handyman for him. She takes care of her ex-husband, too, by handling his finances for him, because "he can't do it himself".

It explained why he didn't want me to move out of the house after we divorced - I was the major breadwinner. He was scared to death of taking care of himself.

(And no, I do NOT do his finances for him... )

My ex would do similar, randomly annoying things as well, such as coming home at dinner time (when I'd waited to eat with him), and saying he had a HUGE lunch at 3, so he wasn't hungry. And doing this over. And over. And over. After we'd made dinner plans, of course.


Luckily, Xena seems to be remorseful when her action (or inaction) does hurt someone. She has apologized for how the move impacted me, for example, and she doesn't really want to upset anyone. The "head in the sand" stuff is still infuriating at times, but I think at this point it's much like your coworker - I have to figure out how to manage my relationship with her. It was actually progress for me to fire back an email after the calendar thing, and ask, "So does this mean the dinner with Noa is canceled?" I think I'd have avoided the conflict in the past. Someone who's got blinders on sometimes needs another person to jump in front of them with their hands waving, though, so to hell with the conflict avoidance at this point.

Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
I work with someone very much like that - the world revolves around her - and wow, she is extremely frustrating to deal with. Now that I am her manager, I have been so perplexed as to how to deal with her, and my boss has told me that she has never had to manage anyone like her before. We both have to strategize how to handle her.
Best of luck there. We've got some difficult situations here as well, and it's certainly exercising every management skill I have (and making me painfully aware of the ones I don't). Vacation can't come soon enough.
Dramatis personae:
Me: 46/F, Divorced with 2 kids, 2 cats, fish, a tarantula, and a 1930s house with many projects.
Chops: 47/M, Partner of 6 years, lives half-time with me, half with Xena.
Spinner: 52/M, Friend I've been on a few dates with. Divorced, Mono, wrapping his head around it all.
Xena: 47/F, Chops' other nesting partner of 6 years
Curls: 50/F, Chops' partner of 1 year

Supporting Characters:
Choplet: Chops' son
DanceGirl: My oldest daughter
Pokégirl: My youngest daughter
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