I don't think your misgivings and frustrations are unreasonable at all. Xena sounds... narcissistic. Her own satisfaction seems to be her focus all day, every day. So, in that sense, she is doing these things on purpose, not out of a vindictive or devious need to throw a wrench into other people's lives, but simply because it's all about her and what she wants, and any concerns about others is either secondary or not thought of at all. Yes, oblivious because no one else matters, yet people like that can be incredibly lazy about doing the work needed to take care of themselves. They just want to be special.
I work with someone very much like that - the world revolves around her - and wow, she is extremely frustrating to deal with. Now that I am her manager, I have been so perplexed as to how to deal with her, and my boss has told me that she has never had to manage anyone like her before. We both have to strategize how to handle her.