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Old 04-09-2010, 07:23 PM
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vandalin vandalin is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Minneapolis, MN
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Quote:
I can't be okay if I'm not touched.
If you recall the book I mentioned before, Passionate Marriage, one of the skills, probably the most important skills that is mentioned is called "holding onto yourself". Being touched and comforted by others is wonderful but there is always a time when you may not have that option...what then?

"Going through gridlock in your marriage is much like climbing a mountain: if you feel in control of yourself, rather than trying to control the terrain and weather, you can relax and enjoy the climb. When you're tense and feeling out of control, the climb seems far more difficult. It helps if you keep in mind that you never really master the mountain - you master yourself in the process of climbing the mountain. The mountain remains the same; it is you who changes. And, remember, you have to climb several mountains before you feel confident of yourself - but you can't wait until you feel safe and secure before you venture out for your first climb."

Holding onto oneself helps to create and maintain the relationship with the one person we are never without, our self. By learning to soothe oneself, we can break out of being totally dependent on others, we can stand on our own two feet and be more for the people we care about, especially if they have not learned how to do this for themselves.

I hope I'm making some kind of sense, it's hard to summarize half a book in a couple paragraphs.

I, like you, love to touch and be touched. I am a very tactile person. Luckily I have not had to go through a time where Cajun has not wanted to touch or hug me. I have been in the position where I have not wanted to be touched though. At first, I would shrug off any attempt at physical comfort, but then just a hand on my back or knee or covering my hand would be comforting, just the warmth and knowledge that this person still loves me and wants to be with me can sometimes help bring me around. Like when you try to comfort a friend by placing a hand on their shoulder and giving it a gentle squeeze before letting go, you are letting them know you are there for them when they are ready. In the meantime, you need to comfort yourself and hold onto yourself.

It is hard, but in the long run will be worth it. Growing often is painful.
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