Thread: open or poly?
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Old 03-05-2014, 06:05 AM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Well, I don't know that there's a way to "get her" to do that; she has to decide to do that on her own. Maybe there's some kind of slick salesman technique you can use to "get her to yes," but if there is, it's probably not very ethical to use it (and it would be out of my range of expertise regardless).

Given the misgivings you have about the communication between you two, and worries about her dissatisfaction (even after signing a two-page contract!), I think that instead of acting on any of these open and/or poly feelings, the two of you should get together with a marriage counselor. Preferably a poly-friendly one. I have links to help you find a poly-friendly counselor if needed, just let me know.

So she's not happy about the poly; you're not happy with things in the marriage (e.g. not getting the hugs and kisses you would like). Has there been troubles in the past where you found out she wasn't being honest with you about how unhappy she was? Sometimes people hold back out of fear of hurting the other person's feelings. Perhaps she is trying to spare your feelings and not rock the boat?

At any rate, poly (or any open arrangement for that matter) is generally not recommended when your "baseline relationship" (i.e. your marriage) doesn't have sure footing. The most I would do about poly for now if I were you is just to read and post here on Polyamory.com and see what kind of collective wisdom you can tap into. But I do suspect, from what little I've read of your story so far, that the marital problems are pretty serious: more serious perhaps than they seem to be on the surface.
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